Human Blog

but>>>

2010-07-28T00:09:00.000-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnbO8GE4V5M

2010-07-27T23:54:00.001-04:00

hey y'all,

it's been awhile, but look. it's come to my attention recently that i've never heard the arcade fire, unless they've been in a commercial during the superbowl. and jesus christ, i don't care. but here's the thing. i'm so mad. that i'm drinking some beers. and i can't find the "cover me (undercover mix)" by arthur baker. i'm told that arcade fire's second album kinda sounds like bruce springsteen.

2009-04-16T21:28:00.000-04:00

TONIGHT AN O'CONNOR SAVED MY LIFE

2009-04-13T21:28:00.001-04:00

OMG MELODY WHERE DID THE EMBED GO? I'M RUSTY AT THIS BLOGGING JAZZ.

(blog jazz. thats my new project. dude. blooooggg jazzzzzzz)

2009-04-13T21:20:00.001-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrMoWZ-jbTg

OMG YOU GUYS. I AM BACK. POWER BALLAD!

CLAWS

2008-10-24T12:04:00.001-04:00

FUCK A WORLD WITHOUT ZIMA

2008-10-20T17:29:00.002-04:00

goodbye, old friend.

WHA????

2008-10-07T12:10:00.004-04:00

OMG are you serious?

http://gmailblog.blogspot.com/2008/10/new-in-labs-stop-sending-mail-you-later.html

Basically, you can turn on a setting that makes you solve a few math problems if you're trying to send an email late at night. Like a captcha, but WAY MORE AWESOME. Anyway, I just activated it, and set it so that I always have to solve math problems to send email. Actually, I set it it up so that I have to solve math problems between the hours of noon and 4am because YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN I MIGHT BE DRUNK.

Save Me From Craigslist

2008-10-06T17:55:00.004-04:00

Greetings. So I (Kirsten) still am looking for 2 roommates (on the off chance I didn't email you, or you didn't see any of my posts on MyFace or whatever). Here's the deets:

2 rooms avail in 3 bedroom Bed-Stuy duplex, each $700/month + security deposit (1 month)
1.5 bathrooms, all rooms have closets, windows, are totally big
next door to community garden
off the Franklin C & shuttle, close to G trains
November 1st

I am looking for someone awesome. I am also about to embark on a weird week of meeting people who responded to my Craigslist ad for coffee, trying to decide if I'm even gonna show them the place.

ANYWAY! Spread the word, and if you know anyone in need of housing send them my way.

xoxo

Oh Hello

2008-10-04T12:12:00.003-04:00

What we talk about, wordle-stylee.

The Lady Kristeva and Mr. Met, a comparison.

2008-10-01T00:58:00.005-04:00

abject loser.

abject foxiness.

discuss.

What I Learned at the Medieval Fest

2008-09-29T18:51:00.013-04:00

Gentle readers,

So yesterday I went to the Medieval Fest up at Fort Tryon park (NATCH). It was super humid and muddy/soggy and mostly like this weird gauntlet of turkey legs and fried dough and goth teenagers. We were kind of watching the joust, and then I was all "methinks I need a cup of mead" (probably on account of being like hilariously hung over from tiki bar, whatever, I'm all about THEMES) but what I always always forget is that mead is totally sickenating. I chose the "dry traditional" based on my memory of some past mead (drunk with some wenches at the Renaissance Faire circa 2003) which was too sweet and so gross, but "dry traditional" tasted like elf pee or something. So, don't drink mead! But maybe we should, because um, the Long Island Meadery's bottle of "sweet traditional" features this label:

HAPPY EQUINOX!

2008-09-22T16:09:00.002-04:00

Now it's fall. Sunset tonight at 6:52pm.

good morning

2008-09-21T13:28:00.000-04:00

Stuff I Might Go To

2008-09-18T17:40:00.004-04:00

Monday 9/22:

A little band I like to call Gold Dust will play with Eat Skull, Little Claw, Psychedelic Horseshit, etc. at DEATH BY AUDIO. We're playing first, so don't show up too late.

49 S. 2nd Street.

ROOMS 4 RENT

2008-09-18T17:40:00.001-04:00

Gentle Readers,

A friend of mine has 2 rooms opening up in his Sunset Park apartment, right off the 9th Ave D train (also close to the M and R trains). He's looking for queer/trans (or queer or trans-friendly), clean, non-meat-cooking roommates who wouldn't mind having an adorable tiny dog around some of the time. Rent is $633/month and the rooms are available 10/15 and 11/1.

If you are interested or know anyone please email us (humangoldcorp@gmail.com) and we'll put you in touch.

xoxo

The End of Summer

2008-09-08T21:40:00.000-04:00

My favorite thing in New York City:

End of Summer Plans?

2008-08-12T15:03:00.001-04:00

Click here then click here.

the olympics

2008-08-11T11:39:00.004-04:00

i can't begin to parse out my feelings about these mascots.

more olympics

2008-08-11T11:21:00.005-04:00

THERE ARE PEOPLE INSIDE OF HERE.

AM I THE ONLY TOTALLY FREAKED OUT MY THAT??? WE NEED TO POP THEM OUT.

STAT.

the olympics

2008-08-11T11:18:00.004-04:00

NO.

sleuthing

2008-07-25T12:42:00.003-04:00

I saw something interesting on Google Maps today re: the G train:

View Larger Map

Please note the Fort Hamilton Parkway stop. I've been hearing about some extended G service a little bit, but it's kind of awesome to see it right there on (my beloved) Google Maps. I did some sleuthing (as my boss calls it) and found this on the G train Wikipedia page:

The MTA has announced a three-year rehabilitation of the Culver Viaduct from 2009–2012. As part of that project, the G service, which currently terminates at Smith–Ninth Streets, will be permanently extended to Church Avenue.

How useful it actually winds up being will probably depend on whether or not I still live in the same neighborhood and whether or not I still have a friend or two down in Flatbush or by the park. Anyway. Happy Friday.

duh

2008-07-22T17:14:00.006-04:00

I found these on Facebook today:

They are totally amazing. Also I did that thing where you have Facebook look through your (email) address book to find friends and apparently MY MOM IS ON FACEBOOK.

FYI

2008-06-20T20:45:00.000-04:00

Due to Emergency Work

Manhattan-bound J trains skip Flushing Av, Lorimer, and Hewes Sts

Jun 21, 6 AM to 6 PM, Saturday

For service to/from these stations transfer at, Myrtle Av to a Manhattan-bound J or Marcy Av (get a ticket) to a Queens-bound J.

Due to Emergency Work

Free shuttle buses replace M trains between Metropolitan Av and Myrtle Av-Broadway

Jun 21, 6 AM to 6 PM, Saturday

Its Come to This

2008-06-19T15:25:00.003-04:00

http://www.matadorrecords.com/mpeg/earles_and_jensen/earles_and_jensen_barbara.mp3

http://www.matadorrecords.com/mpeg/earles_and_jensen/earles_and_jensen_bedroom_eta.mp3

you guys

2008-06-18T00:03:00.004-04:00

http://nordique.muxtape.com

I finally finished it.

re: IKEA Brooklyn/Taylor Dayne

2008-06-17T13:59:00.005-04:00

One thing (of many) I forgot about last Friday was The Grand Opening of IKEA Brooklyn, which happens TOMORROW. Have you noticed that the B61 buses are now reprogrammed with "IKEA" as their destination? If you go to the website - http://info.ikea-usa.com/Brooklyn/ - there is a countdown with hours, minutes, and seconds at the top of the screen. It's basically the most overstimulating thing on the internet and I can't stop looking at it. It's also kind of giving me the fear. (Though the videos and ads where they building NYC out of cardboard boxes are kind of awesome.) I'm obsessed. I am replacing smoking with GARDENING and BLOGGING.

Found this today too:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080617/ap_en_ot/people_taylor_dayne
Just, you know, keeping up with some of the more important topics of this blog.

re: things I bought that I love

2008-06-06T09:22:00.003-04:00

They are from the Jessica Simpson collection. They are hideous. I love them. If you look here you will have your mind blown. Because that website doesn't even look real. But I did learn this from it:

"Blessed with talent, charm and enviable appeal, Jessica Simpson is that name which has been the epicenter of some of the major reforms in the music, fashion, and entertainment industry. A multi talented artist, gifted with universal appeal, she has already established herself as an international star and shows no signs of slowing down."

What does that even mean? Some of the major reforms?? She's like totally nailing these gold 20 dollar shoes to the door of the Wittenberg Church, brah.

MUXTAPE

2008-05-29T00:56:00.004-04:00

I love this muxtape thingymabobber. I love it so much that I decided to accompany my routine whiskey drinking with an upload-binge of remixes, edits, and tracks by Todd Terje, a Scandinavian early 20-something who re-works otherwise perfect disco and pop songs into 6 to 8 minutes of whoah-holy-christ-fuck-wow-how'd-he-make-it-better. To anyone who has not heard his Chic and Michael Jackson edits: get ye to this other side of this link.

And please share yr muxtapes in the comments section! (PS, it's free to register.)

Steampunk

2008-05-19T17:29:00.006-04:00

I didn't really know that "steampunk" was also kind of a style. It's like if you woke up one day and had gone totally bonkers and were convinced you were living inside of that computer game MYST or something. Which is amazing and totally repellent. And you could wonder things like "Where did I put my BRASS GOGGLES?"

Anyway, more pictures here.

You Guys!

2008-05-19T13:48:00.002-04:00

Partly because I am pretty hung over, this made me weep a little bit at work today: http://www.georgetakei.com/

Also because I love George Takei like I love Alien vs. Predator.

Congratulations, George Takei!!!!!!

BTW

2008-05-13T18:20:00.002-04:00

This website is really good.

Open Thread re: MTV's The Real World in Brooklyn

2008-05-13T14:25:00.002-04:00

OK, the Gothamist just reported that MTV's The Real World will commence filming the 21st season/level of Hell in Brooklyn this summer. The location is yet to be determined, although my logical side says that their loft of douchebaggery will be located somewhere in Williamsburg (maybe in that ugly building on the northeast side of McCarren Park, the one that looks like it was phoned in from Miami) and my sadistic side hopes (but doubts) they will just purchase a floor in the McKibbin Lofts because let's face it, that place is already a joke.

Let's brainstorm some terrible yet not illegal things we can do to them. Option one: the Turkeys Nest has large cheap take-out cups of beer that can easily be spilled during a stroll through McCarren Park!

Spotted: JULIA ROBERTS

2008-05-06T16:50:00.003-04:00

Today I shopped for produce right next to Julia Roberts (who has twins by the names of Hazel and Phinnaeus, btw) in the Chelsea Whole Foods. I just thought you should know. (Also, she blew my mind slightly by being shorter than me. I always imagined she would be like 6'2" for some reason. Nigel Barker blew my mind in exactly the same way, except he's extremely handsome in person.)

xoxo
gossip human

this is how I feel.

2008-04-28T23:55:00.001-04:00

Because secretly this is sometimes like a Fleetwood Mac fansite or something....I will now only express myself in song. xx

Not with a bang but a beamz Music Performance System (TM)

2008-04-13T12:21:00.002-04:00

Gothic Singles

2008-04-12T13:05:00.003-04:00

We pride ourselves in having real gothic personals where real gothic members are looking to meet other like minded goth friends. Online dating for people into the goth scene has never been easier.

http://www.gothscene.com/

You Guys

2008-04-07T19:05:00.003-04:00

Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society:

Bai Ling's blog.

It sort of fills the void left by the not-updated-in-over-a-year twee fashion blog.

I declare this meeting of the Midnight Society closed.

sleep strike

2008-04-05T04:22:00.001-04:00

I can't even sleep until some website confirms or denies the Beyonce/Jay-Z marriage thingy. How can I even be expected to sleep? That is crazy.

Yes, and sadly...NO

2008-04-03T00:36:00.007-04:00

1) Yes! Finally. Many of my childhood dreams will have come true, if you just let me be in this musical, perhaps choreograph it. (I already gave on the one about learning to talk to dolphins by giving a baby headphones and making said baby grow up listening to dolphins so as to be bi-lingual.)(But not the one where I have a shirt that looks like the outfit/dress thing that Kristi Yamaguchi wore in the Olympics. Never that one.)
2) NO! Reading through the plot synopsis is vaguely horrifying.
Why must everything good turn out bad? Electric Youth... the musical is obviously not about mid-level bankers from New York City who go to Minnesota for a visit. Am I totally wrong about that? Why doesn't anybody ever ask me these things. Sigh.

xo

(beautiful, right?)

So I was listening to npr at work as I am wont to do...

2008-04-02T00:39:00.003-04:00

So check this. Go to ye olde npr.com and search "Madeline Albright: In your ear"

The world is making more or less sense now, depending.

xo

Nice April Fools Day Joke, Citibank

2008-04-01T12:10:00.003-04:00

Who decides to re-design my personal accounting web-page, which requires shutting it down for hours on end, in the middle of tax time? Citibank, you fools, you've ruined my day.

The Past in the Future

2008-03-27T17:56:00.002-04:00

Tell it to my heart
Tell me I'm the only one
Is this not the song that made Fergie's caree-ee-er?

I have found the limit of the internet

2008-03-14T11:29:00.002-04:00

OK, so. This morning I'm walking with my girlfriend to the A train when she suddenly busts out singing this maybe late '80s, maybe early 90s, maybe mid '90s dance song that goes something like this: "...Tearing up my heart / Tell me I'm the only one / Tell me is this love / Or just a game." I know this song, I remember the melody well, I immediately join her in singing those lyrics, which I'm about 95% sure are correct. When we stop singing it, I ask her the name of the song and the performer. She says, "You know, the one that goes," and she starts humming and then singing the verse of "Together Forever" by Rick Astley, which I tell her is impossible because I remember a woman singing that song and Rick Astley is nothing if not a man. When I get back to my apartment I say to my roommate, "Oh, do you remember that song, um, I think it goes..." and I start humming and then singing what I'm certain is the song in question but which I soon realize is the verse to Cece Peniston's "Finally" -- glorious in its own right, no doubt, but definitely not the song in question. I just spent the past 15 minutes googling various combinations of the lyrics above... TO NO AVAIL. I have found the limit of the internet. It is apparently this song. I did learn this, though: asking someone "tell me is this love or just a game?" is cliche as hell. Do you have any idea how many times singers have implored absent lovers with this line? I found out. Too many times.

So I turn to you, Human Gold readers; you, with your accumulated knowledge of things strange and wonderful; you, the archivists of songs you enjoyed in those tender years circa 1987-1995. Help me save this song from the dustbins!

2008-03-10T11:59:00.001-04:00

i'm not going to write humangold a love song
cause it asked for it
cause it needs one

Sex Garbage

2008-03-07T17:59:00.000-05:00

Has anyone seen the new subway ads for the second season of The Tudors? They're kinda like this:

I've been gone for a minute...

2008-02-08T17:27:00.001-05:00

Peace.

More Excerpts From Our Zine

2008-02-08T15:42:00.000-05:00

2:07 PM nordique: www.mymms.com

you can get custom m&ms printed for valentines day

but it's like soooooo expensive

2:08 PM and they won't print m&m's with "sex santa"

because it's "potentially offensive"

they will, however, print "skin santa"

eagles: thats what i was going to ask

nordique: i know

i'm sure they will also print

"scat canyon"

2:09 PM eagles: get it!

nordique: no way!

you have to spend at least almost $50

2:10 PM

i had it all worked out. just a mixture of different color m&ms that all say "LEATHER JEANS"

it would have been incredible.

2:11 PM http://www.mymms.com/customprint/

2:12 PM eagles: i made some gold and orange ones that said human gold.

2:13 PM but i couldn't figure out how to send it to you.

nordique:

what if i sent you a giant box of M&Ms that said "SKIN SANTA"

would you even be able to eat them?

eagles: i would eat all of them.

nordique: ha!

2:14 PM eagles: i would eat them even if they said sex poison

or lydia sucks

nordique: or just "suck it"

eagles: done

bad thing

nordique: fine.

eaten.

i want mine to say "wild thing"

or "totally feral"

eagles: cave candy

nordique: or "kiki puke"

eagles: candy

cave girl

human female

2:15 PM

poop document

nordique: ghost hole

eagles: span

2:16 PM dex

nordique:

MARY

KATE

eagles: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nordique: i'm gonna get you soooo many MK M&Ms

eagles: i will eat them

nordique: you better

DR.

CRUSHER

2:17 PM eagles: bev

crusher

jean

luc

nordique:

just

2:18 PM "WORF"

eagles: worf

is raw

nordique: OMG

2:20 PM jensen ackles

eagles: OMG

yes!

nordique: i know right?

2:21 PM eagles: i want pink and aqua m&ms to say jensen ackles

or brown ones that say like

neil young

I Just Got This Email From My Sister:

2008-02-05T12:47:00.000-05:00

yesterday was my last day at the pizza place and we made milkshakes. i got to put the ingredients in. i chose chocolate, mint oreo and cake batter fudge for the ice cream. then i added chocolate milk and half and half. then i put in chocolate sauce. and THEN i added a piece of chocolate cake. to top it off i put fresh whipped cream and more chocolate sauce. it was really really good. i thought you might want to know.

Hello Old Friend

2008-02-02T03:41:00.000-05:00

Just kind of casually drinking some Sparks late-night style.

underconsidered genius of the modern age:

2008-02-01T18:01:00.000-05:00

enjoying a fine beverage and
currently listening to:

just a thought.

Her autobiography is one of the most incredible books I have ever read.
I forgot to tell you guys that.

!!!!!

2008-01-29T23:33:00.000-05:00

sweet.

If you missed it:

2008-01-29T15:12:00.000-05:00

The "Gunecologist"?!!??!!!????!?!

2008-01-25T08:42:00.000-05:00

With a name like that, with hands so glorious, with a song so sweet, how could I not post?

mavis staples

2008-01-24T17:20:00.000-05:00

is shooting a potato gun or something. seeing her at bam was like a rainbow in the brain.

You Guys

2008-01-18T17:09:00.000-05:00

Cadbury Creme Eggs. It is your time again.

The Grateful Ineffectual

2008-01-17T22:16:00.000-05:00

These past few days have been some kinda ineffectual. Of the few important things that I have managed to accomplish, learning how to spell ineffectual is one. Discovering this record mysteriously on my itunes is the second. When did I do that? How did I know? Does that make it ok? I'm just letting you guys know what direction things are going in today in case you want to stop me. Anybody? Anybody?

Kulture Korner: bored meditations

2008-01-14T10:08:00.000-05:00

Young Marble Giants: Best Band That Never Realized How Awesome They Truly Were (Cos They Would've Put Out More Albums If They Had); or Simply The Best Band Ever? Maybe they are more awesome for only putting out one very magical album? Here is a picture of them in a boat.

Colossal Youth keeps my morning coffee warm. I am trying to figure out a song upon which to bestow "best song" status. Right now it is a toss up between "Searching for Mr. Right," "Eating Noddemix," "Constantly Changing," "N.I.T.A.," "Choci Loni," "Wurlitzer Jukebox," "Salad Days," "Credit in the Straight World," "Brand - New - Life," "Wind in the Rigging," "Cakewalking," and "Ode to Booker T." (That list was really pointless.) I give you 5 stars in my iTunes rating system, Giants. You guys rule(d). I am feeling you so hard. You are like the inverse of my other love, Steely Dan: completely undressed, almost painfully literal, no attempt at singing, an almost faulty emphasis on simplicity. Here are some lyrics.

Yesterday we were always laughing
Always good for a laugh in passing
Stepping outside of the rules for asking

Misery passes and so does crying
Just look around
when you feel like dying
Stepping outside of the rules
when trying

Hopeless cases will drag you under
Fiery lovers will make you blunder
Tearing all the rules asunder

Trying to cakewalk but it's too boring
Coming to life at four in the morning
You think you're alive
But then you're just yawning

I don't completely relate to those lyrics, cos I go to bed at like midnight, TOPS, unless I am drinking bourbon, but that is OK, I totally dig what you are getting at. Elsewhere you told me, in a very beautiful way, that maybe I don't need to really know what you are on about to be totally rapt by what you are saying: "This doesn't mean that I possessed you / You're haunting me because I let you." And I think those two lines kinda sum up perfectly my relationship with this record? I am not sure how. But I think they do. Also, you have serious zings. Here is one: "I don't need you to love me / I don't need you to care / Take your body from by me / Be yourself over there." Crucial. That is like the kind of zing that makes my jaw hit the floor because it is so tight! So economic! So complete! Devastating. Please don't anyone ever say that to me directly. I think maybe this is kinda like what Kate Bush is getting at in "Running Up that Hill," except she's way more ambivalent about the whole thing, she kinda wants mindmeld, but she also kinda wants this d-bag to leave her, that's why she is taunting her addressee with rhetorical questions and stuff about bullets at the same that her most affecting couplet is on some serious death-drive type shit: "So much hate for the ones we love / Tell me we both matter, don't we?" But Allison Stratton is much more sure-minded, much more interested in singularity than cosmic and quasi-religious empathy. It's just a shame that I could never rock you (or for that matter find you) at karaoke. Kate Bush does have that going for her.

Open Letter

2008-01-08T16:43:00.000-05:00

To the guy who keeps walking around behind me: I am in the library trying to do work that I should have completed, oh, about a motherfucking month ago. I would appreciate it if you would sit in yr seat like everyone else in this study area despite the attraction you so obviously have for something/one that I cannot see yet sense is somewhere near me. I guarantee you that it is simultaneously boring itself and bored with you. While I am not usually one to speak for another's desire, the boredom whom/whatever feels for you probably has something to do with yr bald head; why it is itself boring, I do not know, but I hope you take it to heart and leave it be. So what we have is actually a complete disinterest that you yourself seem unable to recognize but of which you deserve to be informed. Stop. For yr sake (which is covertly mine).

If you insist on continuing to move around behind me instead of staying in yr seat, I at least ask that you do not do the following two things: first, tap on the edge of my desk like one of those people who needs to touch everything they pass (you don't need to touch everything you pass although I do give you credit for a damn admirable job of doing so thus far); two, do not give me a dirty look when you see that I am reading Ne-Yo's biography on last.fm. Am I listening to "Because of You (Remix)" featuring Kanye West on repeat? Yes. But it is none of yr business. Do not look at my screen and do not act like whatever you see there is worthy of yr opinion. You clearly have a profound civic duty that consists of hating on fresh and sexy things - things such as Ne-Yo and good jackets. (That's right, yr jacket sucks. Stay seated.) So I ask that you put a collar on yr rabid sense of citizenship and not admonish me while also annoying the living fuck out of me. It is clear why you don't like Ne-Yo, but I was excited to learn that his friend nicknamed him "Neo" after Keanu Reeves' character in The Matrix and that he changed the spelling to reflect, in abbreviated form, his love for the city New York.

Also, even when you sit in yr seat, with yr legs propped up on the desk like you own this motherfucking place, you annoy me. You really should just go.

xoxo,
Melody

Something I Saw

2008-01-03T17:17:00.000-05:00

We were transferring from the J train to the uptown F at Essex/Delancey on New Year's Eve and I totally saw this girl barfing into her plastic "Happy New Year" top hat. So incredible.

You guys. Happy New Year.

Hollerdays

2007-12-25T20:18:00.000-05:00

Since I spent the day listening to Tango in the Night, I thought I would leave you, my friends, with this excellent cover.

boo yeah

2007-12-22T20:01:00.000-05:00

I don't know guys, we tried to send you all a special "happy holidays" email yesterday but like 30 email addresses bounced back to us. Then I was too drunk to fix it, because the office closed early yesterday and I went to a tiki bar to get drunk with my boss.

God rest ye merry gentlemen. Kiki out.

xoxoxo

what is going on with my brain right now:

2007-12-14T01:15:00.000-05:00

see the previous post re: tired, stressed out, in need of inspiration

BTW PEOPLE

2007-12-13T10:50:00.000-05:00

I don't care if this is fake.

Kulture Korner: Science & Steely Dan

2007-12-12T13:07:00.001-05:00

iTunes source names "God" and "abe lincoln money shot" have, despite obviously different taste in names, very similar taste in music: lots of Guster, Ben Folds Five, Gin Blossoms, and Black Eyed Peas; a couple Beatles, Aerosmith, and assorted classic rock best-ofs (that end up having very similar tracklists); and a handful of arbitrary Tupac, Dr. Dre, and Biggie tracks. As the day progresses, research proves that those of completely different naming sensibilities nonetheless share at least one significant feature; this researcher, for one, never fails to be impressed by the collective shittiness of NYU's musical sensibilities.

As for me, when I get stressed out, exhausted, or in need of inspiration, I put on my headphones and listen to "Peg" several times in a row, lean over my computer and close my eyes so that nothing distracts from the aural rays of sex that Donald Fagen, Walter Becker, and (especially) Michael McDonald send into to the center of my head.

Here is a pertinent conversation:

Melody Nelson: ps - i think "kid charlemagne" might be more utterly un-fuck-withable than classic... but that's me. "DID YOU FEEL LIKE JESUS? / DID YOU REALIZE / THAT YOU WERE A CHAMPION IN THEIR EYES?"
[...]
Eagles: DID YOU FEEL LIKE JESUS!!!!
yes!
[...]
E: IS THERE GAS IN TYHE CARRRR
IS THERE GASSS INNNN THHHEEE CCARRRRR?
[...]
E: crossed a diamond with a pearl?
lsd.
ITS THE END OF SIXTIES IDEALISM.
YET AGAIN>
MN: AND THE ENTRANCE OF COCAINE
E: once again.
good you had no idea what a state i was in last night with the live record.
give it you.
you cry.
its so good.
MN: TELL ME: WHERE ARE YOU DRIVING / MIDNIGHT CRUSIER?
THIS IS THE BEST LISTENING EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE FUCK
E: FINALS
its like that.
where is your bounty of fortune and fame?\
i am another gentleman loser
drive me to harlem or somehwere the same.....
MN: yeah, i think finals make me especially emotionally sensitive to lyrics about the end of sixties idealism and the start of cocaine
E: i think its all the caffiene.
MN: no, i think it is steely dan
simply
E: touche.
walter becker get your balls out of my ears.

You Guys

2007-12-08T15:59:00.000-05:00

WASABI CHALLENGE

2007-12-04T17:38:00.000-05:00

Okay. So one thing you can do to impress a bunch of people you don't know that well at a friend's birthday party is PUT SOMETHING REALLY SPICY IN YOUR MOUTH.

If You Wanna Kiss the Sky

2007-11-30T12:02:00.000-05:00

You guys, is this the best song ever? I feel so confused.

You Guys

2007-11-30T11:57:00.000-05:00

thing I learned today

2007-11-28T23:24:00.001-05:00

I am kinda the Pina Bausch of pouting.

um...thats a good thing, right?

You Guys

2007-11-19T22:27:00.000-05:00

It is so boring to be sick!!!!!!!!

Anyway, one thing you can do if you are sick and got nothing else to do is drink more cough medicine than you probably are supposed to.

Just thought you should know that THIS PARTY NEVER STOPS.

"C-C-C-C-COOOOOVER ME" b/w "U.S.-U.S.-U.-U.-S.A."

2007-11-16T09:23:00.001-05:00

Eagles and I had an email conversation that mostly consisted of us quoting a certain titular lyric back and forth, and although she has not yet responded to my final question ("should i post this to the blog???") I decided that sometimes you just have to act, especially when the motivating material is THIS GOOD and SLIGHTLY EMBARRASSING. The motivating material in question is at the bottom of this post: Bruce Springsteen's "Cover Me (Undercover Mix)" by Arthur Baker. The story goes that in the '80s the Boss felt that his bossiness wasn't quite reaching as large an audience as he would like; so he commissioned Arthur Baker, a DJ perhaps best known ('round these parts anyway) for his work with New Order, to remix a couple songs from said Boss' new album Born in the U.S.A. with the goal of circulating them in dance clubs. And ooooh man are they good. And I suppose that 2007 is the ideal time for these pseudo-lost remixes to be rediscovered (or reappraised, whichever) since everyone digs Springsteen these days anyway, even the Arcade Fire who toured with LCD Soundsystem, so what I'm trying to say is, yeah, sure, give me Bruce's voice overdubbed straight to hell and looping back to earth; give me that organ, but punch it up with some latin house piano, would ya; and also give me a really intense female backing chorus if you have one. And, oh, do you mind replacing the sax solo with a squiggly synthesizer? That would be great. And it is great, cos that is exactly what Arthur Baker does.

While double-tasking the writing and researching of this post, I found THREE MORE remixes by Arthur Baker, all of the glorious title song, "Born in the U.S.A.": a radio mix; a FREEDOM MIX (WTF); and a DUB MIX (HOLY FUCKING SHIT). You can also find the dub mix below, which really ups the ante in terms of SHEER AWESOMENESS mixed with a profound sense of SHAME.

I don't have much to say on the second one, except I'm convinced that there is a total psychic dissonance caused by the fact that the intro sounds almost just like New Order's "Blue Monday," except that when you know you are listening to a remix of Bruce Springsteen (I really can't stress how strange a phenomenon this is, people) there is something that appears very wrong and very right in the exact same capacity. Like, I sat in my bedroom blasting it, thinking, "YEEEEESSSSSS," (most of my thoughts boil down to this honestly), and then I remembered that my roommate went to college in Jersey, so I suddenly felt kinda bad, like I was making him re-live something he didn't want to in dub form. Let us know yr experience!

re:butt hash/palate cleanser

2007-11-16T08:46:00.000-05:00

this is like the sorbet course.
whatever.
they found a its a cow dinosaur.
mesozoic cow

Everything You See is Butt Hash

2007-11-14T23:16:00.000-05:00

You guys. I'm sorry, but I have to tell you about "butt hash", which is the street name for this new drug. Is it a hoax? I do not know. I am merely the messenger. Bringing you tidings of BUTT HASH.

Cream Puffs Are the Shit

2007-11-14T15:32:00.000-05:00

I have no problem blogging about this. Cream puffs are the shit. Absolutely. Once every couple weeks several half-eaten boxes of them appear in the front of the office. Vanilla, chocolate, and sometimes a special flavor like pumpkin. I just got to eat a chocolate one... I think vanilla is actually a better flavor for a cream puff but I will not be picky.

kulture korner: records that i will buy tomorrow

2007-11-09T18:05:00.000-05:00

It is worth noting that roughly 1 minute and 20 seconds into "The Electrician" off of the new Sightings record (OMFG), they start to sound like Brian Eno ca. Taking Tiger Mountain (By Strategy), except from the bottom of a shark tank, and except that Robert Fripp is trying to frippertronic away from a giant shark, but he is covered in fresh meat and he knows that all he can do is carry on with his Frippery self. YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!1!!!1!

help

2007-11-08T16:29:00.000-05:00

Last night I had another dream where Slash and I are hanging out and maybe falling a little bit in love with each other. I don't really know what to do with this trend in sleeping.

Special Foxes

2007-11-05T16:54:00.000-05:00

I'm not really sure what sort of band is called "Special Foxes" but I am thinking about it a lot.

Genius Rock God

2007-11-05T14:38:00.000-05:00

So, what I want to know is who wrote this in the women's bathroom at Sake Bar Decibel? WHO? Not that we of the Human Blog disagree in any way, but it's pretty rare to see Robert Pollard graffiti in the ladies room (right?).

I feel so inspired.

Happy Halloween From Human Gold

2007-10-31T17:45:00.001-04:00

The Real Ghostbusters: Ragnarok and Roll

2007-10-26T18:34:00.000-04:00

Season 2, episode 16, in which a "depressed young man uses a magical flute to bring about the end of the world".

"Ragnarok and Roll" has to be like, my favorite play on words EVER.

The Real Ghostbusters: Sandman

2007-10-26T18:30:00.000-04:00

"Mr. Sandman, Dream Me a Dream" (Episode #107, aired 10/25/1986):

The Sandman arrives in New York and attempts to put everyone to sleep for five hundred years. And with every person put to sleep, their dreams become real. Can the Ghostbusters stop the Sandman or will they fall asleep with the rest of the city?

The Real Ghostbusters: Samhain or Sam Hain?

2007-10-26T18:25:00.000-04:00

"One of the only recurring villains is Samhain. He first appears in the episode "When Halloween was Forever". In the episode, he is released from his captivity by two goblins on Halloween. Once set free, he sends his minions all over New York. His plan is to make Halloween an eternal night that will last forever all over the world. Just before the world falls under his evil reign, the Ghostbusters put a stop to him and his terror. He is placed within the ecto-containment unit where it is assumed that he would stay."

-Wikipedia

Excellent Resumes (or "How to Construct a Real-Ass Sentence")

2007-10-26T12:43:00.000-04:00

"I chose to apply to this company because of its direct relation to music or audio and media processing and programming networks and operating systems, which is in relation to my intended major, music....
I am exceptionally incentive as well as discerning, Having been an office worker for three years and having had excelling and detailed knowledge of the dealings of the company, a key component, has been a major influence in the decisions that I have made while working there....
While working it was necessary to be perceptive, informed, and knowledgeable as well as organized and collaborative, all qualities that I have attained and ameliorated. Such qualities were helpful on several occasions such as double tasking or working during unexpected events...."

Human Gold Corp Annual Retreat

2007-10-22T17:41:00.000-04:00

Hey. We all just got back from the Human Gold Corporation's Annual Office retreat. Here's a picture we took after a trust-building exercise:

Kultural Kiki: Deeply Twee

2007-10-16T11:56:00.000-04:00

A cupcake prize to anyone who guesses the band that I rediscovered (for the like, 10th time) last night and got so excited about listening to that I could not sleep.

(Clues are in post title and labels. Should be enough.)

Temporary tats?

2007-10-15T02:24:00.000-04:00

Maybe instead of getting a tattoo, I can get one of these contraptions placed under my skin so that I will be a walking piece of barfin' art. (Note: there is no barfin' in the video, unless yr one of those types who barfs with joy, like our hockey friend a couple entries back.)

freudian dick... i mean slip

2007-10-13T20:48:00.000-04:00

i just wrote "aesthetic tragedy" when i meant to write "aesthetic strategy." COINCKY-DINK?

great moments in cinema

2007-10-12T15:36:00.000-04:00

If I was twelve I would think that this was the best movie ever made. As it stands I think it might be pretty up there.

kulture vulture: songs that time should forget already, damn!

2007-10-10T17:13:00.000-04:00

hot 97, do me this one favor: the next time i turn on the shower radio in my apartment, give me something other to wash my hair to than kanye west's "big brother." it can be anything really. i strongly encourage more ne-yo, which you are often willing to give me, although you are guaranteed to bookend it with "big brother." you could even do a freestyle weekend that riffs or puns off of the relationship one might have to a "big brother," songs such as "two to make it right," "together forever," or two of hearts," and i would even allow a strictly verbal shout out to kanye west's "big brother" as the definite inspiration for such a fine block of radio programming. but this is the thing about "big brother" that y'all at hot 97 must not realize: that song is not good; it never was; its infinite playing does not make it better; in fact, it makes it worse. i cannot sud up to this any longer. i don't know how i ever did.

kulture korner: records that time forgot

2007-10-10T00:29:00.001-04:00

Like a stray kitten this called to me. A real good fifty cents spent. The Willie/Waylon cover of Whiter Shade of Pale is simultaneously the most questionable and also the most healing thing I have heard in awhile. Maybe ever. Let the healing begin.

RISA

2007-10-05T15:05:00.000-04:00

Risa - Also called Epsilon Ceti B II, located about ninety light-years from Earth, known for its beauty and relaxing tropical atmosphere. It is a world commonly sought by interstellar vacationers and starship crews on shore leave.^[34]^[35] The planet orbits several stars and its climate is controlled by a weather modification network, with the natural climate being extremely violent. Risians, especially the women, are extremely open and will freely share their planet, and even themselves, with vacationers; a practice known as "Jamaharon".^[36] Perhaps not coincidentally, the fun-loving planet's name is also the Spanish word for "laughter."

from Wikipedia

desire.

2007-10-05T14:54:00.001-04:00

cold stone creamery
oreos, brownies and fudge
you tantilize me

she is barf

2007-10-05T14:53:00.000-04:00

my dog eats cat barf
the sounds of cats blowing chunks
she waggles so much

More in the way of...

2007-10-04T16:55:00.000-04:00

...BARF MANAGEMENT.

I'm sorry but...

2007-10-01T15:24:00.000-04:00

This blog has too much power. I cannot handle it.

(Also, Jill Greenberg is a genius.)

So I lied.

2007-10-01T00:38:00.000-04:00

Two Ideas

2007-09-28T17:24:00.000-04:00

1. bushwiki.org ("like an e-neighborhood you can edit")
2. kikipedia.org (??)

I CAN FEEL IT.

2007-09-28T13:01:00.000-04:00

(you might need this in your life. I dunno.)

godbless you Matt Blanks for that.

Good Gorillas

2007-09-27T21:55:00.000-04:00