The Past in the Future

Tell it to my heart
Tell me I'm the only one
Is this not the song that made Fergie's caree-ee-er?

I have found the limit of the internet

OK, so. This morning I'm walking with my girlfriend to the A train when she suddenly busts out singing this maybe late '80s, maybe early 90s, maybe mid '90s dance song that goes something like this: "...Tearing up my heart / Tell me I'm the only one / Tell me is this love / Or just a game." I know this song, I remember the melody well, I immediately join her in singing those lyrics, which I'm about 95% sure are correct. When we stop singing it, I ask her the name of the song and the performer. She says, "You know, the one that goes," and she starts humming and then singing the verse of "Together Forever" by Rick Astley, which I tell her is impossible because I remember a woman singing that song and Rick Astley is nothing if not a man. When I get back to my apartment I say to my roommate, "Oh, do you remember that song, um, I think it goes..." and I start humming and then singing what I'm certain is the song in question but which I soon realize is the verse to Cece Peniston's "Finally" -- glorious in its own right, no doubt, but definitely not the song in question. I just spent the past 15 minutes googling various combinations of the lyrics above... TO NO AVAIL. I have found the limit of the internet. It is apparently this song. I did learn this, though: asking someone "tell me is this love or just a game?" is cliche as hell. Do you have any idea how many times singers have implored absent lovers with this line? I found out. Too many times.

So I turn to you, Human Gold readers; you, with your accumulated knowledge of things strange and wonderful; you, the archivists of songs you enjoyed in those tender years circa 1987-1995. Help me save this song from the dustbins!

i'm not going to write humangold a love song
cause it asked for it
cause it needs one

Sex Garbage

Has anyone seen the new subway ads for the second season of The Tudors? They're kinda like this: