Yes, and sadly...NO

1) Yes! Finally. Many of my childhood dreams will have come true, if you just let me be in this musical, perhaps choreograph it. (I already gave on the one about learning to talk to dolphins by giving a baby headphones and making said baby grow up listening to dolphins so as to be bi-lingual.)(But not the one where I have a shirt that looks like the outfit/dress thing that Kristi Yamaguchi wore in the Olympics. Never that one.)
2) NO! Reading through the plot synopsis is vaguely horrifying.
Why must everything good turn out bad? Electric Youth... the musical is obviously not about mid-level bankers from New York City who go to Minnesota for a visit. Am I totally wrong about that? Why doesn't anybody ever ask me these things. Sigh.

xo


(beautiful, right?)

So I was listening to npr at work as I am wont to do...

So check this. Go to ye olde npr.com and search "Madeline Albright: In your ear"

The world is making more or less sense now, depending.

xo

Nice April Fools Day Joke, Citibank

Who decides to re-design my personal accounting web-page, which requires shutting it down for hours on end, in the middle of tax time? Citibank, you fools, you've ruined my day.

The Past in the Future

Tell it to my heart
Tell me I'm the only one
Is this not the song that made Fergie's caree-ee-er?

I have found the limit of the internet

OK, so. This morning I'm walking with my girlfriend to the A train when she suddenly busts out singing this maybe late '80s, maybe early 90s, maybe mid '90s dance song that goes something like this: "...Tearing up my heart / Tell me I'm the only one / Tell me is this love / Or just a game." I know this song, I remember the melody well, I immediately join her in singing those lyrics, which I'm about 95% sure are correct. When we stop singing it, I ask her the name of the song and the performer. She says, "You know, the one that goes," and she starts humming and then singing the verse of "Together Forever" by Rick Astley, which I tell her is impossible because I remember a woman singing that song and Rick Astley is nothing if not a man. When I get back to my apartment I say to my roommate, "Oh, do you remember that song, um, I think it goes..." and I start humming and then singing what I'm certain is the song in question but which I soon realize is the verse to Cece Peniston's "Finally" -- glorious in its own right, no doubt, but definitely not the song in question. I just spent the past 15 minutes googling various combinations of the lyrics above... TO NO AVAIL. I have found the limit of the internet. It is apparently this song. I did learn this, though: asking someone "tell me is this love or just a game?" is cliche as hell. Do you have any idea how many times singers have implored absent lovers with this line? I found out. Too many times.

So I turn to you, Human Gold readers; you, with your accumulated knowledge of things strange and wonderful; you, the archivists of songs you enjoyed in those tender years circa 1987-1995. Help me save this song from the dustbins!

i'm not going to write humangold a love song
cause it asked for it
cause it needs one

Sex Garbage

Has anyone seen the new subway ads for the second season of The Tudors? They're kinda like this:

I've been gone for a minute...

Peace.

More Excerpts From Our Zine

2:07 PM nordique: www.mymms.com

you can get custom m&ms printed for valentines day

but it's like soooooo expensive

2:08 PM and they won't print m&m's with "sex santa"

because it's "potentially offensive"

they will, however, print "skin santa"

eagles: thats what i was going to ask

nordique: i know

i'm sure they will also print

"scat canyon"

2:09 PM eagles: get it!

nordique: no way!

you have to spend at least almost $50

2:10 PM

i had it all worked out. just a mixture of different color m&ms that all say "LEATHER JEANS"

it would have been incredible.

2:11 PM http://www.mymms.com/customprint/

2:12 PM eagles: i made some gold and orange ones that said human gold.

2:13 PM but i couldn't figure out how to send it to you.

nordique:

what if i sent you a giant box of M&Ms that said "SKIN SANTA"

would you even be able to eat them?

eagles: i would eat all of them.

nordique: ha!

2:14 PM eagles: i would eat them even if they said sex poison

or lydia sucks

nordique: or just "suck it"

eagles: done

bad thing

nordique: fine.

eaten.

i want mine to say "wild thing"

or "totally feral"

eagles: cave candy

nordique: or "kiki puke"

eagles: candy

cave girl

human female

2:15 PM

poop document

nordique: ghost hole

eagles: span

2:16 PM dex

nordique:

MARY

KATE

eagles: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nordique: i'm gonna get you soooo many MK M&Ms

eagles: i will eat them

nordique: you better

DR.

CRUSHER

2:17 PM eagles: bev

crusher

or

jean

luc

nordique:

just

2:18 PM "WORF"

eagles: worf

is raw

nordique: OMG

2:20 PM jensen ackles

eagles: OMG

yes!

nordique: i know right?

2:21 PM eagles: i want pink and aqua m&ms to say jensen ackles

or brown ones that say like

neil young

I Just Got This Email From My Sister:

yesterday was my last day at the pizza place and we made milkshakes. i got to put the ingredients in. i chose chocolate, mint oreo and cake batter fudge for the ice cream. then i added chocolate milk and half and half. then i put in chocolate sauce. and THEN i added a piece of chocolate cake. to top it off i put fresh whipped cream and more chocolate sauce. it was really really good. i thought you might want to know.

Hello Old Friend

Just kind of casually drinking some Sparks late-night style.

underconsidered genius of the modern age:

enjoying a fine beverage and
currently listening to:



just a thought.

Her autobiography is one of the most incredible books I have ever read.
I forgot to tell you guys that.

!!!!!

sweet.

If you missed it: